Dear Women of New York,

Dear Women of New York,

Last night I had trouble falling asleep.  A new law was passed in your state on abortion.  I've seen a variety of posts from friends on my social media feeds.  One post in particular hasn't left my mind. It was a diagram demonstrating how late term abortions are performed.  Before I continue with my thoughts, let me first tell you a few things about me that will factor into what I have to say.  

At 40, I became a grandma last week.  My husband is older and has daughters from his first marriage, so technically I'm a step-grandma, but in my family "step" doesn't mean anything, only the relationship and love do.  I was shocked by a text I got last week because my stepdaughter wasn't due for another month. Her baby came early and ended up in NICU because of that but was sent home like any full-term baby because even a month early, she was healthy.  Tiny, but healthy.

I have two babies of my own.  The oldest will be 8 tomorrow and the youngest will be 4 next month.  

I also have two babies in heaven.  The oldest would have turned 20 last year and the younger would have been about 9.  Danielle, the younger, was miscarried. I still have a photo of that toilet with her in it.  I couldn't look away because that was my child. The older baby, my Tyler, he was aborted. I was about 6-8 weeks along when I went in for the abortion, I wasn't allowed to see the ultrasound before the abortion so I'm not sure the exact week.  

I was pro-life before my abortion.  I never really understood how I could abort when I grew up believing it was wrong.  Greg Hasek, a counselor in the Northwest, helped me see that decisions are often made out of fear and insecurity instead of what we know to be right or wrong.  That was a pivotal moment for me.  By not dealing with my own issues I inevitably ruined my decision-making ability.  

I was a mess after I aborted Tyler.  Mess is actually an understatement. There are things no one tells you, or maybe you just don't want to believe, and that is why I ended up working with women who had been through abortion or were at that crossroads.  It's no longer my full-time work because let me tell you, when you've lived it, its exhausting work. I'm still here and participate in online groups for women. I still get referrals and will always be available to a woman who needs to talk, but doing it non-stop just became too much.  

Why?  It wasn't just my own story, but instead it was hearing the same story over and over again.  It didn't seem to matter what someone believed about the law. So many women were wrecked by abortion.  Women experience various levels of trauma based on the individual circumstances but whether they were coerced or chose for themselves, the common thread they share is that something in them changed in a way they couldn't get it back.  Many of them silently experience their pain in everyday life, but suffer secretly.

I think it's because most women really want a time machine, not an abortion.  After abortion, the core of them feels that they betrayed themselves and their child.  Guilt is a horrible feeling, because left unresolved, it doesn't just come off. It just becomes heavy.  Then comes a variety of other emotions: embarrassed, ashamed, guilty for now feeling regret about what they stood for and believed was their right and all women's right, stupid for being duped by a family member, friend or partner, abandoned in their pain and alone.  

Each story looks different and yet, it also all sounded the same.  Women were living in bondage because, despite the plethora of healing opportunities offered by Pregnancy Resource Centers and other abortion-recovery related non-profits, our divisive society makes finding healing an uphill battle. I found healing because I want a better me no matter the cost, but not everyone is that lucky.  

With my abortion past and my mom/grandma reality I can't even begin to imagine the horror a woman would experience after a late-term abortion.  You’ve spent 9 months bonding with a baby in your belly, and felt the kicks and various movements only to go in for an abortion procedure that means going home for 24 hours while your baby dies, then having to go back in to deliver your dead baby. If that isn't by definition trauma, I don't know what is?!  

Don't do it.  Forget what a law says, don't write yourself a prescription for that much pain!   This new law might seem to some to be a step forward for women’s rights, but if you ask me it is causing a lot more harm.  

Women deserve better than abortion.  Women deserve better than this new law.  You deserve better. Let’s fight for better!  

Sincerely,

Carrie Guy

P.S. If you or someone you know have experienced the loss of abortion and need someone to talk to, let me know.  You aren’t alone.