Are You Asking Your Kids the Wrong Question?

Do you remember this question - What do you want to be when you grow up?  I remember getting asked this a lot throughout my childhood and adolescents, and I even ask my own kids this same question. Its a great question - dreaming and self-actualization are great tools for personal success. While creating a sense of wonder for the future is a good thing, there is a problem with this question.  

First, when do we actually grow up?  Do you remember that day?  I don't.  I have life defining moments and even milestones that mark the path of my life - graduation, marriage, motherhood...but I'm still growing up.  Subconsciously, we send the message that "growing up" is some destination we get to when we stop being a child and have a career.  But the truth is the journey of growing up is life long.

On a recent episode of "Better Late Than Never" Jeff Dye said something like - when we are young we want to fit in and be like everyone else but there comes a time when being different is good and we want to know who we are and what separates us from the crowd.  It is a process of becoming us; the ride doesn't end until the day we die. 

I had a professor at TCU that did her Doctoral dissertation on the topic of wedding psychology.  One of the many insights she shared with me included the pitfall in calling your wedding day the "happiest day of your life."  This is another example of subsciously setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. What do you have to look forward to after that? 

 Second, how many adults these days have one career?  Even our work like is a mixed bag of different jobs.  We must continue to live each day with vision and purpose, and the likelihood that each of us will grow up to be one thing, just isn't reasonable.  I'm approaching 40 and have to look at what is next because my job as Youth Pastor isn't something one tends to do until a traditional retirement age, not to mention, non-profit hasn't provided me with any tools to retire someday, so I have to prepare for the next chapter. 

I don't think I'm alone.  I have a friend that just lost a job after 22 years of dedicated service and has to regroup and figure out what is on the horizon.  Which leads me to my third point...

Our focus should be on the type of person we want to be, not the job we choose.  People of character and community are much more admirable dreams than a job title.  Knowing your child wants to be someone who helps people can lead to a discussion on how they will do so - surgeon, nurse, police officer, politician, pastor, teacher, counselor...

This helps us to know and make known the heart of our children.  Knowing your personality and your hearts desires are a great compass for when you navigate life.  There will always be bumps along the journey and knowing yourself aids you in adjusting as necessary. 

I think its time we start having broader discussions with our kids and ourselves.  How well do you know yourself?  Google resources on personality tests and discover something new about yourself!  Its fun, I promise.