Fake Care

We’ve all heard of fake news, well today, I want to talk about fake care.  I think its only appropriate to discuss this topic as we close out a month of self-care discussions.  So what is fake care?  Its the stuff that looks like self-care but is cleverly disguised and actually something very different.

Fake care can come in a few forms - addiction, avoidance, distractions, and over-indulgence just to name a few.  Often the things that make up fake care aren't bad in and of themselves but in how you use them.  A tool in the right hands is a great asset, but a tool used inappropriately can cause harm and even be a weapon.

So what exactly am I talking about? I'm talking about the things you do that keep you distracted from doing what you need to do, that will inevitably cause you stress later,  or avoiding hard things by doing other things that just keep you from facing life.  I"m talking about unwinding in ways that go too far and create unhealthy patterns and addictions.  Let's have a few examples:

Time on your phone (okay I'm talking about me here) - I use my phone for work.  I check emails, update social media, text, call, sell, buy etc, but I also scroll too long and play games when I have stuff to do.  Doing that isn't wrong but when I neglect my to-do list for the never-ending scroll, we have a problem.  When I choose to play phone games instead of having my necessary time with God, I am not talking care of my spirit, and I need that for the rest of me to function.  Taking a break from life and playing a fun game on your phone or checking in on your friends can actually be good, but too much time becomes a problem.

Tip: Set limits or time for those phone stuff.  Set a timer if you need to, to help you be time aware.  You can also earn more screen time (just like your kids have to), do something on your list, earn time on social media etc.

Television and YouTube - Television has always been my guilty pleasure.  I can get lost in a show or movie.  My son inherited that from me, so you have to yell or get right up on him or me to get our attention when we are engrossed in a show.

TV is great after a long day to just unplug and relax.  Family movie night is also a lot of fun but seriously, when one show turns into binge watching and before you know it, you've accomplished nothing and its time for bed, you have a problem.  This can be an avoidance behavior.

I am prone to getting overwhelmed when I have too much going on and just check out instead of getting it done.  Taking a break, again, is good, avoiding and being irresponsible is not.  Only you know when you are using television (or whatever for you) to avoid a challenging emotion or lengthy project.

Tip: Just like phone time, setting limits can be a great way to tame this beast.  Maybe you need to delete a few of the shows you tape or unsubscribe to a few YouTube channels.  That show on Netflix you are dying to watch, limit the number of episodes you will watch at once.  If you can't follow your rules, then its time to get someone to intervene.

A glass (or 12) of wine - Again, a nice glass of wine can be great, but too much is an addiction not an enjoyable way to unwind.  This could also work for that piece of cheesecake that turned into 8 slices. Enjoying a dessert is great, but going on a calorie, sugar spree is harmful to your body.  That my friends is fake care.

Tip: Find a substitute non-alcoholic, non-caffeine replacement - something that helps you and can get you re-focused on life.  Find a friend to hold you accountable.  Make a rule, you only have one drink out with friends, no alcohol in the house for awhile.

Enjoy life, take in the beauty and take care of your mind, soul and body.  Understand your value and invest in you, but don't use that as an excuse to go too far!

I recently faced an unexpected emotional issue when a part of my past, I thought I was done with, came at me from left field.  I took a few days to ignore it and honestly, I needed to, but then I had to face it, talk it out.  Depending on your set of circumstances, that might mean a coffee talk with a friend, or it might mean a counseling appointment.  Deal with your emotions, they are there for a reason and counseling with the right counselor (there are bad ones out there or even just ones you don't jive with) can be just what you need.

Self-aware is the best friend to self-care and being able to hone your self-discipline so those two work well together is a recipe for a better you.  Are you using the things above or your anything else you do (time with friends more than family, a good book that takes your whole day, going to the gym more than you should...) to avoid life, overindulge in guilty pleasures. Are you in the middle of a socially acceptable addiction or do you need more discipline to avoid common distractions?  Move toward self-care not fake care.  You only get one shot at life and its never too late for a fresh start.  Go be the best you!