Two Ways To Overcome the Weird In Your Head

I don’t think I’m an ugly woman, but I often think if people could see the mess of junk going on inside my head - they might see a different woman than what’s depicted through the physical body before you.  

Its like that episode of Gilmore Girls where Lorelai is trying to write a letter but the words just don’t come.  Her rant ends in the conclusive line, “its a big bag of weird in there.” This.  This is exactly how I feel.   Sure I am a nice, kind-hearted person and that is beautiful, but there are other sides of me that aren’t so pretty. 

One of those uglies lurking inside is a struggle with anger.  Years of counseling lead me the epicenter of my angry outbursts - anxiety.  

 A little over a month ago, my son had surgery.  He had his tonsils and adenoids removed.  

We got up early and took my daughter to my parents’ house.  

We then made the almost hour drive to the surgery center in Fresno.  

After we got my son checked in and he was wheeled into surgery, my husband and I took our seats in the waiting room.  

That morning had been hard on my anxiety levels, so I decided it was a good idea to get out my binder and start on a worksheet that has been a part of a book I’ve been working through utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Techniques to overcome anxiety. 

One of the many exercises involves writing down all negative thoughts associated with a particular anxiety incident.  Usually, I have a variety of related emotions, but this time they were pretty well concentrated in the fear section of the emotional scale.  

My husband was curious as to what I was doing so I read him my list of negative thoughts associated with this particular day.  When i finished reading my list, my husband, in shock, replied, “I would have never even thought of half of those.”  I wasn’t just worrying about more than he did, I actually had thoughts about particular aspects of the day that didn’t even occur to him! 

This struggle has been so crucial to me because it is incongruous with my religious beliefs.  God tells me to be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4;6).  Its easy to see ways in which our every day life is out of touch with what the Bible calls us to be.  

So what do you do? 

1. Do Your Part

  Instead of beating up on yourself, something I often do, for missing the mark, identify the root.  Take inventory of your thoughts and feelings so you can begin to weed out what doesn’t belong.  You can’t replace the crap until you know its there! 

One of the next steps in the exercise I was doing on the day of my son’s surgery was to write out a positive thought for each of the negative thoughts on which my brain fixated. Its replacing the lie with the truth.  This process, while laborious, is necessary to make sure, how I live and what I believe, stand side by side. 

2. Let God Do The Rest 

I have heard one story where a surgeon performed a ground-breaking operation on himself, but typically a surgeon performs the surgery and the patient lays still, usually unconscious. This is a great picture of our spiritual life.  God does the work in us, sure we may prepare the way for the work with everything I discussed above, like a patient may fast or take certain medications prior to a surgical procedure.  But the rest is God's job.  I can tell you the most meaningful change is when God took my faithfulness and transformed me in the midst of a challenge.   

The encouragement is - God is always working.  Even when we get stuck in a holding pattern and feel like we aren’t getting very far with our goals, God stays the same.  He's always there, using our lives to direct us into the people he created.  He wants to be close to us, and wants to see us reach the stars he designed for us to grab.   

So go do the work you have to do to prepare for the work God is already doing!