As I listened, I was proud of her for sharing her story and being vulnerable for the benefit of whomever was listening. Beyond that feeling, I was also impacted by one of the main points that she made.
She described two women.
One woman was given all the advantages in life. She was gifted intellectually and well liked by her peers, she was in total - remarkable.
The second woman was just the opposite. She had gone through our system because of family issues, had been misused by people all along her life and had made mistakes with lasting consequences.
As she closed the talk, she acknowledged that she was in fact, both women.
I am extremely hard on myself. If someone is upset with me over an offense I've committed, chances are I've already given myself a mental flogging over it. Sure, I make mistakes but if anyone was as hard on me as I am on myself, they would not be allowed in my life, so its high time I give myself some grace.
The reality check of my mom's comparison of the two women, has been a HUGE encouragement to me over the past week. Some of my greatest weaknesses and "issues" have reared their ugly head in my life and caused me to experience a lot of guilt over my inability to stop doing things that I hate. It is easy to begin to beat myself up and allow myself to drown in a sea of self-doubt and self-deprecation. The bad in me blinds me from seeing the good.
However, understanding that two people live in me simultaneously, grants me the grace I need to stay out of the devaluing pool. Sweet and loving Carrie is still there, even if I don't acknowledge her. If I just look into the flaw mirror, I can forget the wonder in which God placed in me. Those beautiful places are still there in the midst of the pain and challenges of life.
I don't think its just my mom and I that live with this reality. I choose to share my struggles so that all who read will be encouraged. You are not alone.
What beauty do you block out when you are operating in your negative zone? Sure, we keep working on ourselves and allow God to make us more like him, and I am in no way excusing bad behavior or habits.
That is not the same thing as what I am addressing in this post. We are all human and by design will make mistakes (remember that is why we needed a Savior in the first place)! Those mistakes are not the only thing that should be used to define us, and yet it often is.
God walks with us daily if we let him and we may even take steps in the right direction every day. The journey is birth to death and God has grace for that journey. We need to see it too!
May this simple thought bless you today.
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