Emotional Box

Sometimes I wish I could explain to people what goes on inside the shell commonly known as Carrie. There is this whole other world inside my physical being. Its filled with emotions, undescribable that exhibit behaviors, unexplainable. Tonight after seeing, My Sister's Keeper (which I cried continuously through), I started crying. The plot had left, but the emotions remained carrying a personality of its own. My husband looks at me in bewilderment unable to comprehend what is happening or what I am even crying about.

Life makes me laugh and life makes me cry. Those two things are true. While I hate the emotional rollercoaster that is my life, I completely love that my heart is open to things most people desperately try to shut out. I allow the hurts of the world to visit my heart and stay for a visit. I allow people into places of my being that even I can't comprehend. Even though at times it tries to destroy me, I love it! I love the connection with the heart of people and humanity. I love being able to see past all the junk that I encounter daily - to see past the attitudes, addictions and caustic demeanors to see the essence of being stripped of all its embellishments.

So what is it? What is the shape of the emotional playground that lives inside of me? The answer is something that only emotion itself can answer. Its something I've passed on to a friend in heart speak and no other language can translate. As I left the theatre tonight I saw a poster for a movie coming soon. The movie is a children's book I read often. I loved the book and still have it in my livingroom on the bookcase. I got in the car and called my mom, sleeping three timezones ahead of me, to tell her the news that couldn't wait til tomorrow. As I told her I cried. My heart went back and took a trip through the time and life of Carrie Messinger, now Guy. It brought back with it a flood of tears. So here I am writing them down and sharing them with you. Even though tears are currently hitting my chest as they run off my nose, I am not sad. Hard to believe, but true.